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Bakit hindi mo maamin?

Bakit Hindi Mo Maamin?

Title: Bakit Hindi Mo Maamin?
Language: Filipino
By: Francis Moje

Bakit ba sa dami-dami ng tao na lalayo ng landas sa akin, ikaw pa na mahal ko? Lagi na lang ba na ganoon ang galaw ng tadhana sa pusong totoong nagmamahal? Kung tutuusin, kung hindi nagbiro ang oras at panahon, nararamdaman mo sana ng buo ang pagmamahal ko kahit bahagya lang ang mayroon ako. Hindi mo mararamdaman, ni minsan, na magloloko ako, na sasaktan ko ang puso mo, na paiiyakin kita o paglalaruan. Kung nalulungkot ka, pasasayahin kita. Kung mararamdaman mong mabigat ang iyong pasanin, kakargahin kita. Lahat ng ito gagawin ko sa’yo.

Kung tutuusin kulang pa nga. Dahil ANG LAHAT KO dapat ay para sa’yo. Pero hindi lang ako mangangako, bagkus gagawin ko lahat ng ito. Dahil sa gitna ng problema ko, sa gitna ng mga bagay na gumugulo sa isip, sa gitna ng sakit at lahat ng kalungkutan na mayroon ako, ikaw lang…ikaw lang…ikaw lang nagpapangiti sa mga labi ko.

Dahil kahit saglit lang kita makita, dahil kahit sa Facebook lang tayo magkausap, isang “Hi!” mo lang daig ko pa ang taong nanalo sa lotto.

Iba ang tama ko sa’yo. Mahal kita at alam mo ito.

Ngunit sa kabilang dako ng mga ngiti na ito, nasasaktan ako, kasi may iba ka na pala.

Pero bakit ganoon? Parang sa bawat salitang binabanggit mo, may pag-asa akong nakikita. Bakit sa tingin ko, hindi ka masaya sa kanya? Bakit ba sa tuwing sinasabi ko na nakikipag-date ako sa iba, sinasabi mo na iwanan ko s’ya dahil hindi ako totoong masaya?

At bakit alam mo? Bakit alam mo na sa bawat ngiti ko, habang kaharap kita, ikaw ang gusto kong makasama? Bakit alam mo na sa buong buhay ko ikaw lang ang “ideal man” ko? Bakit ba kahit alam mo ang lahat ng ito, hindi ka pa rin naniniwala na totoo ang puso ko para sa’yo?

Ano’ng hinahanap mo sa akin na hindi mo matagpuan? Ano’ng tungkol sa akin ang hindi mo maunawaan?
Bakit hanggang ngayon, nasa kanya ka pa rin, kahit alam ko…kahit nasa mata mo…nakakakita ako ng pagmamahal mo’y para sa akin?

Bakit hindi mo maamin?

Life Tonight

wpid-20150312_233516-1.jpg

Title: Life Tonight
By: Francis Moje

My life tonight, you can be my love and honey
My Kyptonite, you can be my everything.
You showered me with smile,
That what makes my heart melt.
I love you, my soul, my forever,
Give me chance just for tonight.

You knew, that you’re my ideal one,
That someone I will always love.
I love the small things you were giving,
I no longer have to demand.
You may live for the rest of your days,
Give me chance just for tonight.

Life Tonight, I must be dreaming
Life Tonight, I will cherish this forever.
Life Tonight, give me warm like a red wine.
Oh, my life tonight, you are my life tonight.

Interlude: Going Back to What I Love

 

During my recent reminiscing — or let’s say a contemplation or realization session all by myself– moment in my bed, I realized that I have lost so much things and opportunities in my life that I should have been doing in the past few years before I reach this certain level of my age. Maybe if I have been doing these certain things I like, I perhaps master those fields already and i

One of those skills I’d like to highlight is none other than swimming.

I love water a lot. I enjoy being at the beach, to feel its waves and other health benefit it gives me, and I thought of it every time people mention about going out of town. I also enjoy lap training in swimming pools. But that skill didn’t work out that well, because I didn’t practice regularly. I felt it like it’s my dying skill.

To give solution to that and to revive my frustrated Olympic swimming skills, I just came back from my so called “training”.

During the training, I could literally feel the horse beneath the shortness of my breath, the lack of movement control in the water and my speed has gone bye-bye. The thing remained in me is my gift for backstroke — I still does it good. To be honest, I think I’m one of those who needs a trainer to know the basics again.

I don’t easily give up, though. I just feel the need to get things back again, just to make sure that I won’t get rotten and I won’t go home defeated in the upcoming company sportsfest.

So if you are reading this and you’re still doing something you love, I’ve got a great tip: “DO NOT STOP!” But if you must do, do all things you can to start it all over again. Never remove it from the corners of your neck.

—————

See yah! Happy Summer, Philippines!

Wrong Turn

Wrong Turn

Title: Wrong Turn
By: Francis Moje

I’ve got it all, I’ve seen it all
When we were loving each other.
True loves wait but you just hate;
You were only seeing my mistake.
I couldn’t breathe, Your arms were stiff;
You wrapped me, chained me, and sexed me.
You didn’t know that I loved you despite
Of all the things you’ve done.

But there was a wrong turn,
There was a wrong turn, honey.
You chose the wrong path,
You chose to be alone, honey.

We could have been the happiest together,
But took the wrong turn, honey

I need a beer, you made all my fear
That I tremble fear with love today.
I couldn’t believe, It couldn’t find relief
‘Cuz it should’ve not been like that.
I called it quit, yes, I chose it.
Its pain is real, no more game or deal.
Pain know no chances when
We were talking about hurt.

‘Cuz there was a wrong turn,
There was a wrong turn, honey.
You chose the wrong path,
You chose to be alone, honey.

We could have been the happiest together,
But took the wrong turn, honey

You’re revenge couldn’t save us from what we are today.
What we are today is something you…we deserve,
I don’t someone like you in my life,
‘Cuz you took the wrong turn.

Draw My Weekend!

I could not express myself in words today, so e-painted something that I think represents my emotions today.

First stop: Something that represents my country, Philippines.

Luz (Luzon)
Luz

Vi (Visayas)
Vi

Minda (Mindanao)
Minda

Second Stop: the other things on my plate:

Afternoon Blood (Myself after deep stress)
Afternoon Blood

We Are The Aliens
We are the aliens

France
France

Dream: Ash Fall Interpretation

Hey, I’m back!

To Read The Story Click this link:

Part 1 of 2
Part 2 of 2

Ash Fall

Now, let’s go with the interpretation.

As far as I remember, it was around 10pm that night when I started to get ZZZzzz’s and had this dream, Then I woke up around 7am — completing more than the 8 hours requirement. It was never new to me because I think I was in college when I dreamed about the Fire Tornado, which I also posted here in this blog (see post here and interpretation.)

Both dreams (Fire Tornado and Ash Fall) weren’t connected anymore, unlike those others that I already forgot. But I noticed that they are somehow related to fire and an apocalyptic event, so I’m going to use that in search of interpretations in the internet. And good thing, there well detailed websites to discuss what I had in my very long dream.

By the way, I’m not really a fan of interpreting my dreams with the use of online dream interpreters, but I bet it somehow helps connect the dots of what’s going in both dimension of my life. Hence, I found what Ashes meant in my dreams at Dreamnest and I’m going to quote:

Ashes:

General Meanings:

Ash is in a dream often of remorse and grief. The dreamer is aware that he has behaved in a situation of over-anxious and stupid and that he can change it any more. This situation has been completed. After an event has gone over, or a person from the life of the dreamer, he dreamed of a burnt-out fire, perhaps, the only remains of the ashes. Ash can announce that expectations and hopes will not be fulfilled. You can also refined rise from the ashes, so that the symbol represents in part the personal growth in a crisis, you will succeed. If you collect ashes, may still be a large, unexpected financial gain.

Psychological Meanings:

The ash is in a dream symbolizes feelings extinct, exhausted forces, lost interest in a matter or person, indifference or resignation. Located in the ashes still glow, it means maturity, personality development, self-reflection or catharsis. In order to interpret the dream completely, it is important to know what is or has been burned. Ash may be on the psychological level of grief. When she appears in a dream, then it may be an indication for the dreamer to escape a long grieving process already pending in any longer. From his experience, only ash remains. Ash points to the conclusion of a matter: It has burned a little and gets a sense like a phoenix from the ashes. Sometimes you have also acted wrongly and then spread as a penitent “ashes on his head”, or it is sad for any reason and will – according to biblical model – “in sackcloth and ashes.”

Spiritually:

Ashes symbolizes purification, repentance and death, the mortal human body and its mortality.

Traditional Meanings:

European (Judeo-Christian)

– to dream ashes is not a good sign: it is a symbol of mourning, of death and disappointment;
– see a lot of ashes: one will be bitterly disappointed and deeply offended;
– soil himself with it: anger, sadness;
– ashes scattered: close mourning, bereavement;
– collect: capital appreciation;
– in the ashes fall into or come into it: a risk of losing money; caution in all financial decisions;
– for the farmers: crop failures;
– for the dealer: unsuccessful businesses.
Arabian (Islamic)

– see that your earnings will be low: sorrow and remorse;
– or see it go: you’re greedy, but will achieve nothing so;
– sprinkle: you are in for a bereavement;
– collect: you have to expect an inheritance;
– fall into it: you lose a lot of assets;
– sprinkle: to suffer loss.

****************************************

It’s kinda scary that it might be connected to the financial aspect of my life, particularly my money and job. But at some point it talks about my spirituality as well, which is more relevant, I guess, especially that the scenes I’ve seen in the dream was very apocalyptic in style.

On the other hand, burning people were also related to my spirituality, because fire could mean cleansing and devotion. I’m currently having struggles with that, to be perfectly honest, and at some point I need a renewal of my faith.

But yeah, as I’ve said I believe that our fate is always in our hands. This can serve as warning to us or me in particular, but we should never revolve our lives in this interpretations. Take control, it’s all up to us.

Ikaw Na Lang Sana

Jose Malvar King
Title: Ikaw Na Lang Sana
By: Francis Moje

Bakit ‘di ko magawang limutin ka?
Bakit ba patuloy na umaasa?
Kung ako ang tatanungin, siguro iisa lang ang sasabihin,
Mahal kasi kita, kaya ikaw na lang.

Ikaw na lang, ang aking hihintayin,
Ikaw na lamang, ang aking iibigin.
Maguluhan man ang aking mundo,
Sa’yo ang buhay ko ay hihinto.
Ikaw na lang, ikaw na lang sana.

Bakit ba ako’y nahumaling sa’yo?
Siguro para sa akin, perpekto ang angas mo.
Nasasaktan dahil may iba ka na yatang mahal,
Ngunit ako’y maghihintay.

Ikaw na lang ang aking mamahalin.
Ikaw na lang ang papangarapin.
Hindi na maghahanap pa ng iba,
Pumuti man lahat ng buhok sa aking bumbunan.
Mahal kasi kita, kaya ikaw na lang sana.

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