“I”: A Tale of Depression

I know I can,
But sometimes it gets in my head:
I wanna give up.

I wanna get that knife,
Struck it in my throat;
But I’m afraid of blood.

I wanna get that rope,
Hang myself somewhere;
But I’m afraid of heights.

I wanna get that poison,
Gulp the whole bottle;
But I’m not to brave to do it.

I need to hold on
To someone who can save me from
All of these mess;

Someone I can sit with
In this vast of quietness
And depression and loneliness.

But I guess I’m alone.
I will deal with everything myself,
Me and I.

I thought I was strong
Maybe I worried too much
That’s why until now I’m afraid.

I guess I will run away
Relax my mind and shoulders
And leave the world away.

The Zero Calorie Adventures of Milk & Coffee

This is actually a dream come true!

Last July, I opened a new domain on wordpress to give space to my much awaiting comics, which is The Zero Calorie Adventures of Milk and Coffee. It’s a bunch of Filipino (Tagalog) comic strips that focuses on the friendship of the characters Milk and Coffee and friends.

The story line came out of no where, when I kept on wearing my weird shades and I started drawing my mini me. That’s explain why ‘Coffee’ had this bug-eye/heart-shaped shades. While the other characters are based on people I encounter and some friends.

The comics is in Tagalog, so sorry for the English-speaking fellas who are following me. It’s actually a risk because I don’t have an idea how it will go since I’m never familiar with the local SEO and how the new site’s Google ranking will climb up. Plus the fact that it’ll be composed of mostly images, I think it will be a great challenge for me.

But anyway, to my Filipino friends here, please support The Zero Calorie Adventures of Milk and Coffee. I’d appreciate it if you will follow and like our posts both on blogs and Facebook.

Just kindly go to these link and hit like:

Milk and Coffee Adventures – Twitter

Milk and Coffee Adventures – Facebook

Milk and Coffee Adventures -Website

Thank you so much!

This blog will never close, by the way. I have plenty of poems to share to you, so please, please stay tuned!

Sunday

I started taking drugs
And drinking alcohol.
Nobody calls or texts
To say one ‘Hello!’
I don’t know what’s going
In our crazy world.
I pray but I don’t know which god
Will grant me life to you.

What kind of demon are you
Living in my body
It seems you can’t escape
From my callings
I hate to say this
But I think you gonna rot there
I’m alive,
I will survive.

My love is a Sunday
Of my weekdays
Not a Friday
Or Thursday

My love is Sunday
It’s a sweet day
‘Cuz baby I turn happy.
But when you’re gone.
It’s like Monday.
You’re a Sunday, You’re a Sunday

Panakip-butas

Title: Panakipbutas
By: Yours Truly

Malungkot ka na naman at nag-iisa
Hindi mapakali, hindi magkandaugaga,
Naghahanap ng kausap sa akin
At humahagilap masasandalan sa aking balikat.

Heto naman ako, ang magliligtas sa’yo.
Magbabasag ng oras, makita ka lamang.
Magpapakatibay sa nararamadaman,
Iiwasang umasa at mahulog habang ikaw ay nandiyan.

Habang kinukumpuni tayo ng panahon,
Hayaan muna nating ikaw ay maghilom.
‘Wag pansinin ang sugat ng puso ko,
Dahil mas magdurugo ito kapag ika’y nalulungkot.

Isigaw mo sa akin ang lahat ng galit mo,
Suntukin ang aking dibdib kasamabay ng pagtangis mo.
Ako na lamang ang sasalo ng mga ito,
Dahil matibay naman ako kapag nasa tabi kita.

‘Wag mo lang akong tititigan sa mata,
O hahawakan ang akin kamay,
Dahil sa mga simpleng pagkilos mong ganito,
Ako sa’yo ay muli na namang bibigay.

Hayaan mo na lang maging panakipbutas ako
Nang sa iyong paglisan, pagkatapos nito,
Kakayaning kong tumalikod nang hindi nasasaktan.
Kakayanin kong umikot at tanggapin lahat.

Tatanggapin ko lahat na ako’y kaibigan mo…lang.
Walang kang iisipin na na ako’y masasaktan.
Pagkat narito ako para sa’yo
Anuman ang paulit-ulit mong dahilan.

Basta alam mong mahal na mahal kita,
Basta alam mong naririto lang ako,
Ayos lang iyon para sa akin,
Ang mahalaga ako ang tinatakbuhan mo.

Hihilingin ko na lang na balang-araw
Hindi ka na tatakbong palayo sa akin;
Na sana ang gabi na ito,
Ito ang huling paglisan mo sa aking piling.

Empty Frames

I think this is the first time I’m going to publish a draft/unpolished composition. I don’t usually do this, but hope you find it cool!  Please leave your feedback on the comment section.

Here it goes:

Title: Empty Frames
By: Francis Moje
Youtube Link:

There’s a picture of us together;
They are not on the wall.
They say I keep on imagining,
But I think they’re wrong.

You and I have a photo
That we keep in here.
That’s the way you say
“‘Cuz our love our is intangible.”

Empty Frames (4x)

“Don’t listen to what they say”
Better if the world is the two us.
They will say what they have to say
But the love is with us.

You and I have a photo
That we keep in here… (in our hearts)
That’s the way you say
“‘Cuz our love our is intangible.”

Empty Frames (4x)

Stolen Canvas

Title: Stolen Canvas
By: Francis Moje

I searched around me
And I found your smile.
I thought it was just my fantasy;
A mysterious dream of mine.

But you were real.
I knew it from your touch,
I knew it from the taste,
And the sweet smile of your lips.

When you came to me,
The colors were everywhere.
We struck the brush
And all things were painted.

One sunny morning, though,
No trace of your embrace.
I thought you just left
But something made it really hurt.

You were here last night
But suddenly you’re gone.
I knew there was someone
Who just took you away.

I called your phone;
He answered.
He said you were not there
But I didn’t believe him.

That sound in the background
I knew it was you.
‘Cuz I could hear you breathe…
I could hear your breathing

It was the music to my ear,
But he was denying it to me.
He took you away
Leaving nothing for me.

It was a sudden death to my heart
Now that the daylight set us apart.
You’re with him now
And I’m alone in the dawn.

The painting of us
Turns to black and white,
And thus he came
He put a line between us.

I called this love
A miserable one,
A forbidden one,
A Stolen Canvas.

Every Morning Hurt (Part 3)

Title: Every Morning Hurt Part 3
By: Francis Moje

Is this really going to be the last night,
The last moment with you,
Or the start of everything that’s new?
I couldn’t wait for your answer any longer,
‘Cuz every time I prayed, this is what I always ask.
Now, this moment has finally come I wanna listen.

Don’t be afraid to say what’s true.
Words won’t hurt me if it’s coming from you.
Nothing compare to the hurt I feel every morning —
That’s when you leave me and when you’re with him.
It takes more than pain killers
Just to get rid of these morning thorns and stings.

I look around the house, no picture-in-a-frame of us.
There’s nothing to hold on to or dispose
No matter what things happen.
We’re just a pigment of the night, anyway.
It could stay or maybe not.
It could last or be painful all the time.

Maybe I should start telling you what I really feel.
But every time I wish I pull my tongue back
I couldn’t say good-bye — I won’t!
You should know that here in my heart,
The best part of me is always, always you
And I couldn’t say “I wish none of this happened.”

Everything that made me is crashing down, though.
I feel so restless thinking about you.
My soul is burning, I don’t know what to do.
It seems that every morning lasts longer
And vision starts to fade even the sun is getting brighter
And sky is getting clearer and clearer.

I want no one, but you
Would there be any way to forget you,
I don’t think it’s going to set me free.
But should every morning hurt again,
I beg you to stay this morning.
Don’t ever go again.

But if your heart tells you that you must
And that you really love him more than anything
And, most importantly, more than me;
Then, let’s stop all of these —
The pain, the laugh, the smile,
The nonsense of all things if you tell me if you don’t love me.

I will just live in a fantasy where
Every Morning won’t come any more —
There’ll be just the night, you and me.
I will just live the dream like all the nights,
All the nights that we’ve been through,
Despite the fact that after it, the morning will hurt us me again.

————————————-

Thanks for reading! Read part 1 here and part 2 here! Enjoy!

Every Morning Hurt (Part 2)

Title: Every Morning Hurt (Part 2)
By: Francis Moje

I won your heart in the middle of my pain,
But when the pain was gone you were gone too.
I thought I lost everything that day,
Until you were giving me a glimpse of hope.
Those were just glimpse, though.
I didn’t see it as a stable beam of light in my chest.

Your effect is like a drug to me every daylight.
I see things about you even when you’re gone.
Sometimes I see you at the corner of the room,
Sometimes you’re sitting in the lawn,
Sometimes you’re walking around the hall,
But in my heart and mind you never, ever leave.

I feel like a victim in this crazy little world.
We drunk in the same glass of champagne,
Ate on the same plate and with one fork and knife,
We almost shared every smile and laugh,
But only during the night time when you were with me.
Everything vanish once we wake up the morning after.

I shouldn’t take this really hard
But even if I pray, I still got you in my head,
I’m still wanting to be with you all day of my life.
I know you can see it from my eyes
Every time you look at me,
And feel it from the way I hold you as we sleep.

Again, we sleep and, again, it’s morning.
It’s time for you to say good-bye,
And pretend everything didn’t happen.
I need to stay away from my computer
And then, explain to my friends why I didn’t join them.
It’s hard…but to live with you – it’s everything.

Why does every morning hurt like this?
Why do we need to do wrong to make things right?
Why do we need to hide in the dark to love and be alive?
We’re like living in a dream:
Everything fades once we’re awaken.
The sun is almost up, here we are again…the pain.

————

Thank you for reading! Find “Every Morning Hurt” Part 1 by clicking here and part 3 here.

Every Morning Hurt

Title: Every Morning Hurt

I woke up thinking that you were still here,
Drinking wine, watching me while I was asleep.
But you were gone, nothing was left even in the corner.
But you were gone, and nothing left beside this pillow.

I got up from my bed to check you in the kitchen,
But it’s an empty and lonely space now.
Then, I wish you were still with me this morning
To wake me and cheer me up with your sweet smile.

I wish it was evening again
So you can back to me, come back to me.
I wish it was night forever
So you’d be here with me, be with me.
Why does every morning hurt?
Why does the daylight change the set?
When you’ll be coming back?
When you’ll be coming back…
And never leave me again?

I walked around the house, hoping you were still here.
But it’s sad that I didn’t find any shoes on the floor.
The only thing you left was your perfume on my skin,
I wished not to erase it, until you come back this evening.

I hope for the day when there’s no more him.
Or I wish for just a day to wake up as him.
Maybe to feel a day of love than just staying with me every moon,
Because I’m trying hard but I could not win.

I wish it was evening again
So you can back to me, come back to me.
I wish it was night forever
So you’d be here with me, be with me.
Why does every morning hurt?
Why does the daylight change the set?
When you’ll be coming back?
When you’ll be coming back…
And never leave me again?

———————————-

Thank you for reading! Find “Every Morning Hurt” Part 2 here and Part 3 here.

Covered Face

Title: Covered Face
By: Francis Moje

Things are slow, very slow today.
The clock ticks time, but I’m not moving my leg.
I feel lazy to get off my bed,
But I’m here standing your way.

I’m still here standing ‘cuz I love you.
Even though you chose him ahead of me,
I still badly needed you
And I’m right here dying to win you.

I wish I could stop you,
From getting closer to him.
But he’s the one that makes you happy,
Who am I to fight this battle I can’t win?

I promised I won’t cry because of this,
But my tears are tired to stay.
They are dripping down and down,
Filing up and waiting to drop from my chin.

I covered my face this time,
So you won’t see my desperately surviving.
I live with covered face now or never,
‘Cuz it’s the only way to pretend to be strong.

But now that you’re around
I feel my heart is invulnerable.
I wish your presence wouldn’t make me stupid.
Well, I already am…I just don’t admit it.

To be honest, I don’t know how to get away with it.
I covered my eyes, denied that I love you,
Ignored that I was missing you.
I’m still you, you’re here with me.

My world is all about you —
Full of shades and full of shadows.
I chose it to be that way,
‘Cuz that’s my only way not to feel the pain.

But you know what?
I will still continue to dream and love you.
I will live a covered face
Just to hide this crazy and chest-squeezing pain.

I’m going to live with the wish that what they say were true,
That you and I were a perfect match,
It’s just that you and me don’t make a good choice of wine.

If the time comes that I will miss you again,
I’d look into a mirror again.
Maybe on my covered face,
I would see another glimpse of heart and soul again.